The Age of Understanding

Tag: emotional intelligence

  • The Word I Would Ban

    If you could permanently ban a word from general usage, which one would it be? Why?

    If I could permanently ban one word from everyday language, it wouldn’t be a swear word.


    It wouldn’t be slang.


    It wouldn’t even be something obviously harmful.


    It would be:


    Should.


    Not because it’s dramatic.
    Not because it’s offensive.
    But because it is quietly corrosive.


    The Problem With “Should”


    “Should” sounds responsible.


    Mature.


    Productive.


    Adult.


    But listen closely to how it shows up:


    I should exercise more.
    I should be further along by now.
    I should have known better.
    They should act differently.
    You should be grateful.


    It sounds motivational.
    It rarely is.


    Underneath “should” is often something much less noble:


    Shame
    Comparison
    Unrealistic timelines
    Moral superiority
    Regret dressed up as logic


    “Should” doesn’t ask questions.
    It delivers verdicts.


    And verdicts rarely invite growth.


    The Quiet Pressure of a Small Word
    In cognitive psychology, “should statements” are considered a cognitive distortion. They create rigid expectations about how we and others must behave.


    Rigid expectations feel structured.
    But they are brittle.


    When we don’t meet them, we don’t gain clarity.


    We gain guilt.


    When others don’t meet them, we don’t gain curiosity.


    We gain resentment.


    “Should” sounds like discipline.


    Often, it’s just pressure wearing a respectable outfit.


    A Small Experiment
    Try this shift:


    Instead of:
    I should be better at this.

    Try:
    I want to improve at this.
    I’m disappointed in my progress.
    This matters to me.


    Notice the difference?


    One is accusation.
    The other is information.


    One tightens the chest.
    The other opens the door.


    Language shapes thought.
    Thought shapes emotion.
    Emotion shapes behavior.


    Sometimes the smallest word carries the heaviest weight.


    If “Should” Actually Worked…
    If “should” were an effective motivational tool, none of us would need alarm clocks.


    “I should wake up early.”
    “I should stop scrolling.”
    “I should drink more water.”


    And yet… here we are.


    If “should” burned calories, we’d all be Olympic athletes.


    What I’d Replace It With
    Not lower standards.
    Not apathy.
    Not indifference.


    I’d replace “should” with awareness.
    Instead of:
    I should be further ahead.
    Ask:
    According to who?


    Instead of:
    I should handle this better.
    Ask:
    What would handling this well actually look like?


    The goal isn’t to remove responsibility.
    It’s to remove unnecessary self-punishment disguised as productivity.


    If I could ban one word, it wouldn’t be to control language.


    It would be to invite clarity.


    Because growth rarely begins with accusation.


    It begins with honesty.


    And sometimes the most powerful change you can make isn’t in your schedule…


    It’s in your vocabulary.

  • The Psychological State of Boredom

    What Bores Me

    By Betty-Jean

    We tend to think boredom means having nothing to do.


    But boredom isn’t about emptiness — it’s about disconnection.


    Psychologically, boredom is a state where the mind wants engagement but can’t find it. It’s a mismatch between attention and meaning. Your brain is alert enough to want stimulation, yet what’s in front of you doesn’t feel worthy of your energy. Restlessness sets in. Time stretches. You become aware of your dissatisfaction.


    Boredom isn’t laziness. It’s feedback.


    And what bores me?
    It changes.


    That’s the interesting part.


    Some days I’m bored by repetition — predictable conversations, surface-level thinking, tasks that feel mechanical. Other days, I crave simplicity and am bored by noise, complexity, and unnecessary urgency.


    Sometimes I’m bored by small talk.
    Other times, I’m bored by intensity.


    I can be bored in a crowded room and completely engaged in solitude. I can be bored by scrolling endlessly, yet captivated by a single deep idea.


    What bores me depends on:
    My energy
    My environment
    My emotional state
    Whether something feels meaningful or merely busy


    Boredom, for me, isn’t about activity level. It’s about alignment.


    If I’m misaligned with what I’m doing — if there’s no growth, no insight, no spark — I feel it quickly.


    But here’s what I’ve learned: boredom is rarely the enemy. It’s a signal.


    It tells me I’m ready for a shift. A deeper conversation. A new challenge. Or sometimes — just stillness without distraction.


    What bores me today may not bore me tomorrow.


    And maybe that’s the point.